By Chris Rodell
When Joseph Binney founded Peekskill Chemical Works in 1864, the company that would grow to be Crayola Crayons produced just two colors: Charcoal and Lamp Black and it took a discerning eye to differentiate between the two. Today, the children who use the Crayola brand products can choose from more than 96 different colors, including Azure, Laser Lemon, and Razzmatazz. What child isn't glad to be alive in such a vibrant age? The company, which now earns more than $100 million each year, says the average child will wear down more than 730 crayons before he or she turns 10 years old.
Like a box of crayons, we are all born with an astounding range of color options from Mauvelous to Tickle Me Pink. We can paint our lives as brightly or dimly as we choose. But through life, some of us lose or wear down some of our more dazzling colors, living each and every day as if it were either Charcoal or Lamp Black.
But it doesn't have to be that way. Nor should it. "Use All The Crayons!" is an uplifting, humorous and spiritual book about how to make every day as vivacious as an Atomic Tangerine.
SAMPLE ENTRIES:
1. Learn to say "Thank you!" in three different languages. Example, "Yokokee!" means "Thank you!" in Choctaw; "Arigatu!" in Japanese; and "Efcharisto!" in Greek. Remember: Always say it with a smile.
15. In the presence of a beloved young grandchild, nephew or offspring, answer a ringing phone and pretend it's the President of the United States calling to ask your opinion on important world affairs. The unwitting caller will be confused, but the wide-eyed child will be mighty impressed.
33. In the small, wee hours, superglue a quarter to a sidewalk outside of a busy downtown office building. Then pack a lunch and spend the noon hour watching frustrated executives try to surreptitiously pick it up.
59. Remember to write a Father's Day card each year to Jack Somaono, the Patron Saint of Mr. Moms. When his wife delivered quintuplets in 2000, he agreed to stay home to raise the bawling sprawl while wife Kathy brought home the bacon.
82. Memorize interesting trivia. For example: Our eyes are always the same size from the time of our births, but our nose and ears grow a little bit every single day of our lives.
98. Whenever you finish a roll of toilet paper, blow through the cardboard roll like it’s a trumpet. The announcement will let everyone know it's time to shop for more TP.
111. If you’re right-handed, then you’ve probably allowed your left hand to become a loafer. Use the less-dominant hand to brush your teeth, pick up a fork and other menial tasks you usually do with the dominant hand. Studies show repeated use of this easy technique helps stimulate the opposite side of the brain.
127. Take a dart vacation. Put up a map of the U.S. on the garage wall and decide where you're going by which state hits the dart. Every state in the land has beautiful tourist attractions. Let a kid throw the dart.
158. Collect a handful of sand from the beach or dirt from each national park where you vacation and put it in its own little spice jar. Label the jar with the name of the place and put the happy memories on a shelf with something like, "The Spices of Life" written on the top.
171. Volunteer for everything. Whether it's a clown seeking participants for a slapstick circus act or a U.S. Army Colonel asking for someone brave to tackle a death-defying mission, be a volunteer.
188. Wear unusual underwear. Always. Most days no one will ever find out, but you just never know.
200. If you see them on some desolate highway, they're hitchhikers and could be dangerous. But if you see them standing at your local bus stop in a pouring rain, they're just dripping neighbors. Go ahead, stop the car and give them a ride.
212. Inflate your high school SAT scores to preposterous levels. Tell people you scored 1675. When they point out it's impossible to score more than 1600, make up a brilliant lie to justify the impossibility.
239. Make two bookmarks from long locks of your children's hair. Keep one for yourself. Give the other to grandpa.
287. Someday, just for the fun of it, stand on a busy street corner and bark into the cell phone: "No! No! No! The incision should be made behind the left ear! The left ear!"
307. Begin every home video of a close-up of that day's front page. Not only will it date your video, it'll help put in perspective the headlines when you watch the video 30 years from now and wonder what all the panic was about.
321. Sneak a bottle of wine, two glasses and a corkscrew into a long matinee.
356. Learn the fine art of knowing precisely when to quit.
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